while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone signed my nipple.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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