Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
