He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
