4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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