am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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