i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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