Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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