Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
