Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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