No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
