Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im part way to drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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