I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
