p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
