insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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