It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
