either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
