got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My pussy is not your playground.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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