Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
