Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
