I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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