Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
