i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
