We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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