The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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