people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
