You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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