i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
