I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
