I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
