someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize