Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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