I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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