Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
