I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
