i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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