my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
