fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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