I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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