loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
