dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize