she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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