I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
