see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
