In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
