I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
