I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
