If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
