dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
