The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize