The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
