then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
pop tarts are not kleenex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize