I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
