As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
