How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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