wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
