you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
