The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
