At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your penis caused this!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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