addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize