im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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