I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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