throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
