Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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