how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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