I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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