My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
