On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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