You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
