Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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