Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
