omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
